Pros and Cons of hospital life

Having never been hospitalized before (at least not that I can remember), my only perception of it is either what I've experienced from visiting others, or what I've absorbed from highly overbudgeted prime-time television. But regardless, I've never had a pretty picture of it in my mind, and I'm experiencing firsthand that living in a hospital sucks.

Everyone keeps saying to me, "well you're in good hands, you're where you belong..." and trust me, peeps, I get that. But it doesn't make it any easier to swallow or digest that you are BEDRIDDEN and under constant supervision when you FEEL FINE. It's very very very hard, and for those who know me well, you know that I am an on-the-go kinda girl. Who doesn't like to be told what to do. And here in the hospital, I am constantly being told what to do and not allowed to be on the go whatsoever. So, I'm doing my absolute best to deal.

Having said that, I've been trying to make a list of pros and cons of this hospital stay... and naturally, the list of cons FAR outweighs the pros... but I thought I'd identify some of the "good," and the "bad" things about this hospital stay.

Pros:

• feeling so loved and supported, to the point of being humbled... I am not someone who likes to be waited on or taken care of, and all I can do is lay in this bed and be at the mercy of those who love me and want to do everything in their power to make me feel better and more comfortable. I have heard from both my nearest and dearest, and friends from long long ago who are reaching out to give their support, and it feels amazing. I feel so loved and appreciated and it's making the mental element of this ordeal a lot easier to digest.
• Not having to go to work for a LONG time
• My hairdryer - I am allowed one shower a day, and depending on which nurse is on at the time, they even let me get out of bed and sit in the chair across the room for 5-10 minutes to dry my nappy hair after I get out. It's the only thing that helps me feel a little more human and ready to face any visitors that may come... and it's really the only thing I have to look forward to each day.

Ok, so I guess that's it for the pros.

Cons:

• Anti-embolism compression stockings - these fucking things... SKIN TIGHT thigh-high stockings that I have to wear AT ALL TIMES... they are designed to prevent swelling and prevent an embolism. they are making my legs itch, sweat, and cutting off circulation at times when they slip out of place. They are HORRIBLE. Certain nurses who've proven friendlier or warmer than others have given me temporary reprieves from wearing them, but for the most part, they are ordered to be on me at all times (other than when I'm in the shower) and they are the absolute, 100% worst part of being here.
• Missing my dog, my house, my shower, my toilet, my STUFF - luckily, the human beings in my life can come to me and bring some of the comforts of home, but it's just not the same. Though I was lucky enough to get a special Christmas day visit from my fluffy son, I miss him so terribly, I can't even put it into words. I lay here in this hospital bed craning my neck over my right shoulder (as I'm being given strict orders to rest on my left side, and the tv is behind me) I think about how nice it would be to be snuggled in on my overstuffed couch with pillows cushioning me on all sides, and actually have access to REAL television, and not the major networks and the frickin' Newborn channel.
• Hospital food - Ugh. All I can say. And truthfully, honestly, it's not THAT bad. But it's just eating your meals off a tray, from your bed, in a semi-upright position, in a hospital, that sucks. Luckily for me, I don't seem to be on any sort of restricted diet, so Mom and Dave both brought me plates from their various Christmas dinners attended. So, that's made things a little better. But still, it's depressing to know you won't sit at a table and enjoy a real meal with other civilized people for a very long time.
• Stale air - hospital air is dry and still. And THANK GOD the window in my room cracks open a few inches so I can at least get some air flow in (considering these Godforsaken stockings have me sweating bullets at night). I'm not allowed to go outdoors, and I'm not sure how I am going to breathe in and out this stale dry hospital air for the next 30+ days without any exposure to the outdoors. I guess I need to start trying to bribe nurses for some privileges. I can't help but equate this to being in my own personal prison... I know there's no comparison, but it feels that way.
• Crying babies - I know, I know... I'm in a maternity ward. And women are having babies on a daily basis. But I'm not, yet. And it's really hard to listen to the little babies as they get wheeled in to their Moms for feedings, and know how unknown and unsure my situation really still is... it's very sad. Especially because there will be no wheeling Natalie Diana in to me, she will be all wired and connected in the NICU and I will be staring at her through a thick pane of glass until she is big and strong enough to actually be held by me.
• Lack of sleep - between the thrice-nightly wake up calls for blood pressure readings, Non-Stress Tests, and blood work, it's impossible to get a solid night's sleep. And let's not even discuss the terribly uncomfortable, unbreathable bed to which I'm confined. And during the day, I can't get any rest because I typically have a constant stream of visitors. Which, I'm certainly not complaining about... but it makes it hard to catch some shuteye. I am thinking that the flow of visitors will begin to slow down now that people will start returning to work and have gotten their initial visit out of the way, which again, I appreciate so much... but it's hard when I start to get tired and I have people overlapping one another in and out the door from dawn to dusk. And then of course, once Dave or the last evening visitor has left and it's finally time to sleep... well, I have no interest in sleeping then and I am craving attention. Go figure
• People trying to commiserate - let's face it... unless you've been hospitalized for any length of time, you cannot possibly know how awful this experience is. Yes, it's easy to say, "oh well you're in the best place for you and your little girl, "and "it's a good thing they caught it when they did, " as if I don't know these things, but again, it doesn't suddenly make being confined to a hospital bed all the more appealing. I realize that every day I am in here, and still pregnant, is a good day for both me and the baby, and the longer she stays in me, the less time she'll have to spend in the NICU once she's born... but still... it just sucks. I want to get my daughter here in the best health and condition possible, but it doesn't mean that I can EVER be happy about my current situation.

So, as you can see, the bad far outweighs the good. I could keep going with the cons, unfortunately, all day, but this blog post would get annoyingly long, and repetitive. The truth of the matter is, I'm unhappy. I'm trying to stay positive, but my back and legs are getting sore from lying still all day long, and my blood pressure readings don't seem to be really improving, so I'm getting frustrated in not knowing what's next and waiting for each next reading. The hope of being released anytime soon for home bedrest has all but flown out the window, so now I just have to keep praying that another nurse will take pity on me and let me take off these stockings to let my legs breathe for ten minutes.

Christmas Eve - 30 weeks - and my worst nightmare come true

So, a follow up to my previous post. The swollen ankles. At the time, seemed bad, but were easily explained by the day's events.

Well, apparently not so much.

I went to work on Tuesday, and was admittedly very agitated and stressed. Got some news about some bonuses being issued to very undeserving managers and that there was "no bonus structure in place for someone in my role," so I was heated about that. Plus I arrived down at one of our Chester properties and the manager was sick as a dog with a sinus infection and had only JUST started her Z-pack a few hours prior. Great. Thanks.

I took my very comfy slip on clogs off to wiggle my toes, get the blood flowing, and once again noticed excessive swelling. I knew this wasn't normal, or right. So I called the doctor, just to see what they said. I had my regular 30 week appointment scheduled for the following Monday, but just in case they felt like it was worthy of me being checked out, I called. And they brought me in at 4:30. They took a urine sample, and weighed me. I had put on ELEVEN POUNDS in the two weeks since my previous appointment, which, is not normal pregnancy weight gain, especially in someone who is clinically overweight like myself. The doctor explained that the fluid retention was the cause of the edema (swelling) and the extremely high levels of protein in my urine were all major pointers to pre-eclampsia... a syndrome that my mother had when she had me, and that is somewhat common in many first-time pregnancies, especially when the patient has a family history of it. For those reading who are unfamiliar, here is more information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pre-eclampsia

Anyway - the doctor prescribed I do a 24 hour urine collection test, which was a real picnic, lemme tell ya... and I had to bring the specimen to Phoenixville Hospital at 8 am on Thursday morning for analysis. Little did I know, the analysis consisted of several hours of waiting, blood draws, Non-Stress Tests, and tears.

My blood pressure at the impromptu appointment the other day was higher than normal but not a concern to the doc at the time (which is a miracle considering how pissed and flustered I'd been at work that day), but today when they took it, it had jumped CONSIDERABLY. To the point where they were talking about transporting us to CHOP due to the severity of my situation. But they wanted to wait until a few more lab results came back from the blood work before they formulated a plan.

So around 11 am, Dr. Cantarella (who happened to be on call here all day, Thank GOD) came in to my room and informed me that, not only would I not be going to Boston next week for our little "babymoon," but I wouldn't even be leaving the hospital, and I was to go on immediate strict bedrest, and be under constant supervision. She also started spewing out really scary phrases like, "pre-term delivery," and "30 weeks is a little early, ideally we'd like to be at 32 or 33." Um, ok... so how do we do that?

We keep Lindy confined to a crappy hospital bed on Christmas Eve indefinitely, and just take her blood pressure and urine samples every five seconds until we decide the baby has to come out.

Scary thing about that... the baby's lungs are nowhere near fully developed. After all, I do have 10 weeks to go... 7 of which are critical until i'm considered full term. But with preeclampsia, it's terribly dangerous for the mother-to-be to go to term, so typically they induce as soon as they feel the symptoms can no longer be controlled. My doctor doesn't choose to treat with medicine, only bedrest. And very depressingly... the bedrest HAS to be hospital monitored. I can't even go home and rest there... I have to be here. I only wish I'd known as I walked out the door this morning with only the clothes on my back and my purse that it would be the last time I'd be seeing my house for many weeks, if not months... *gulp* I certainly would have given Sammy a much bigger hug and kiss and grabbed a few of my personal and comforting effects. Luckily, Dave is a gem and ran around the house like a maniac bringing me the things I need (hence, why I am blogging about this now, from my beautiful laptop) but still... it would have nice to have been able to prepare myself a little bit for this trauma I am now going through.

So, I lie here, on Christmas Eve... staring up at the lonely mini tree my parents lovingly brought for me to try to dress up my room and half listening to 'A Christmas Story' on TV. Next to that tree is a beautiful picture of my little fluffy boy sitting with Santa Paws... and I am doing everything in my human power not to break down and cry every few minutes. I do realize that I have to do EVERYTHING in my power to keep calm and collected so as to keep my pressures down and not jeopardize Natalie, but... it's really hard. It's so lonely. I want to be at home on my couch, watching Elf snuggled under too many blankets, with Dave asleep at my feet and Sam asleep on the floor an arm's length away. Instead, I'm here. And I'm sad. And hoping this doesn't spiral into a much deeper depression as my head is haunted with all of the thoughts of what may come and the dangers we may face, with not only my health, but my poor baby who may be premature... ugh. I just can't do it. But I have nothing else to think about, and sleep is just not happening. That's a guarantee.

As Mr. Garrison would say, Merry Fucking Christmas.

Home for the Holidays my ass.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Starting at about 8 am this past Saturday, the snow began to fall. And didn't stop until sometime in the early morning hours on Sunday. We got a total accumulation of about 10 inches, though there are parts of the area that were pushing 16-18! Needless to say, I stopped at Target on Friday night, picked up the necessities for a snow-in, and hunkered down with Dave and Sammy to weather the storm.

Friday night I was slightly upset; I finally changed out of my work clothes, took off my shoes and socks, and found my ankles and feet to be so swollen... well, more swollen than I'd ever seen them. Now, I am well aware that swelling is one of the lovely things that goes along with pregnancy, however, this was disturbing. I'd rolled ankles in soccer games that didn't swell this severely. I also know that severe swelling can also indicate preeclampsia, and although I have no reason to worry about that now, it's still a concern, considering my mom had it with me!

But, the truth of the matter is that I think I just really pushed myself to hard this past week; I was running all over God's creation for work, culminating in being in charge of shopping for, and setting up for our region's holiday luncheon on Friday. I was on my feet for the better part of the day, and I think this was my body's way of telling me to chill the eff out. So, that's exactly what I did for the past two days. I sat around, watched multiple episodes of TV shows I'd missed in the past few months, watched a few movies, and ATE. Boy did I eat. I took Sam out to play in the snow. I took naps. It was really quite lovely. I can't think of anyone I would have rather been snowed in with for two days than Dave and Sam (except maybe Natalie!), and I am thankful for the weather because it forced me to just chill out and not be on the go, like I so often am. I have 3 more full days of work and then ELEVEN days off... I cannot even begin to explain how amazingly awesome that is going to be. Once I'm back at work on the 4th, I feel like time is going to FLY!!! I won't lie, as excited as I am for Christmas and New Years just being around the corner, I am NOT looking forward to the marathon which is Christmas day... it would be really nice to be able to just hang here at the house, but alas... that isn't going to happen. We will be up and moving early, and finally come home and collapse at about 8 pm. At least this year Christmas is on a Friday so we have the entire weekend to chill afterwards... that'll be nice! But so help me God, next year, the rules of the game will change. More on that later :)

So what's new in baby world, you ask?

Well, I'm starting to get big, and moving at a much slower pace than before. As of today (Sunday), I am 29 weeks, 3 days. Kind of hard to believe that this little girl will be here in approximately 10 weeks. I am still feeling well, more or less... though sleeping has become an unpleasantly difficult task. I tend to sleep best when I'm on the couch, amazingly enough. But I am getting up to go to the bathroom 2-4x a night now... and waking up practically every hour just to reposition myself and get comfortable. I'm afraid that's only going to get worse as time goes on... so I've taken to just letting myself sleep on the couch when I fall asleep there... at least I tend to sleep a little better! Which is ridiculous because our bed is extremely comfortable.

Anyway - things are going well. In the home stretch now... and getting very excited to meet this little girl. Though I have a lot of fears (which I'll save for another post) looming over me, I think the anticipation of finally holding my baby in my arms is starting to overpower everything else.

My next doctor's appointment is Monday the 28th, and then I will start going every 2 weeks after that... until we're at 36 weeks, when they'll start seeing me every week! OMG!!!

A week full of exciting news!

WOOHOO!!!! We're officially 26 weeks today... and that means there are only 98 days until Ms. Natalie Diana is here! That's kind of an amazing milestone, as far as I'm concerned.

In other news... I found out yesterday when being injected with the swine flu (vaccine), that I passed my glucose test for gestational diabetes... bring on the carbs, baby! Just in time for Thanksgiving, too!

Some more exciting news of this week is that I have the most amazingly awesome Dad in the world, who won the season ticket holder lottery for the Winter Classic, and my parents called on Tuesday night to tell me that they are giving Dave and me the tickets as a holiday present! I completely flipped out when they told me... I can't believe it's actually happening and I'm going to get to see the Flyers play at Fenway Park! It's a once in a lifetime game... and it will be our last getaway before Natalie gets here... so it's just awesome!

And finally - the most exciting news of the week is that yesterday afternoon, our good friends Ali and Kevin welcomed their daughter Kaitlyn Grace, to the world! Talk about having something to give thanks for this year!!! The funny thing is, Ali and I were at yoga together not 12 hours before Kaitlyn arrived... she wasn't actually due until December 8th, but I guess she was ready for the world two weeks early! So congrats to Ali and Kevin - we can't wait to meet your beautiful bundle of joy!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!! I'm off to gorge myself on turkey and parsnips :)

Ultrasound, round 2

On Monday, Nov 16th, Dave and I were lucky enough to get to see our little girl in utero yet again.

This time, she decided to be a good baby, and was in the right position to get us not only some great photos, but to allow the doctor to get the measurements he had needed before. As of that date, she was weighing in at 1 lb, 12 oz and the doctor speculated that she probably is about 10-11 inches long now. But he referred to her as seeming "happy and healthy," which was A-OK by me. Here are some of the many pix they gave us; please excuse the crooked scan job.

Needless to say it was a great way to kick off the week... my next OB appointment is in our 28th week (!!!!!!), but I have to take my gestational diabetes glucose test this coming Monday, which to be honest, I am not all that excited about. #1, I've heard the nasty orange liquid is absolutely disgusting to drink and that you have to do what you can to pound it, and #2, because of the PCOS with which I was diagnosed last spring, I am at a much higher risk for GD. But, think good thoughts... if I fail the 1-hour glucose test, I have to go back to schedule a 3 hour test as a follow up. That one is more telling; if I don't pass that, then they can basically assume I have GD and I will be put on a very strict diet, and possibly even have to take insulin :(

But, again, must think good thoughts until we have something to really worry about!

24 weeks, 3 days

Wow. Hard to believe that Natalie Diana Rolston will be here, in my arms, in only 16 short weeks.

Seems so far, but yet... not really!!! 16 weeks ago, we were getting ready to head to OCNJ for a brief but necessary getaway, and dreaming about the baby and all of the exciting adventures we'd have in the coming weeks/months.

I went to the doctor on Monday, and met with a different one in the practice - Dr. Alan Silverberg. He was super nice and I would totally go back to see him again. As of Monday I'd only put on 9.5 lbs, and amazingly my blood pressure is totally normal (given everything I've been going through with work, though that's for another post entirely...). Baby's heartbeat is still going strong at 150 bpm, and my belly is growing at just the pace it should be.

Oh, and she has decided to start kicking. A lot. I haven't really been able to figure out if she is on a schedule or not yet, though I do know she mostly comes to life at night. And especially when I eat. But it's so awesome to feel her little kicks and taps and whatever else she might be doing in there... she is definitely on the move a lot! Dave can't really feel her yet, but I have no doubt he will be able to soon.

In other news, we have decided to go forward with the basement renovation project. We are not doing it ourselves, but hiring a friend of a friend who is trying to kick-start his contracting business. I am SO excited to be able to utilize the space down there instead of dreading descending those rickety old stairs in fear of what eight-legged creatures I might encounter (though Dave swears there are none to speak of...)

But as soon as the basement is finished, which is actually looking like it might be mid-December (!!!!) we are going to begin preparing Natalie's nursery!!! We are still leaning towards having a Tigger mural painted, though I'm starting to think I might want to paint the walls a fun color first. I would go with purple, but our bedroom is already a shade of lavender-periwinkle, so I think we'll stay away from it. Maybe. We're venturing to Home Depot next week to get paint chips for our various projects (bathroom, basement, nursery) so I will collect a bunch and decide.

I am also going to drag Dave to Babies R Us register the weekend after Thanksgiving... I've been informed that there will be a shower thrown in my honor after the holidays, so I figure I might as well get on the ball! Plus, it's probably time to start realizing this little girl is coming and we're gonna need to prepare for her!!!!

So tomorrow is part 2 of our ultrasound - since little miss Rolston wasn't cooperating the first time around... we get to go back for a second try. Hopefully this time she will behave! Either way, it will be so good to get to see her again. It may actually be our last chance until she is here, live in person, with us... which is a really crazy thought!!!!!

Totally bummed...

My good friend down in Maryland has just informed me that because she is under the weather, she feels it best that we cancel our 7th annual Pumpkin Carving Weekend festivities. I feel badly for her, because being sick totally sucks, and God knows I don't want to catch anything nasty being pregnant and all... but I am absolutely heartbroken.

I look forward to our pumpkin carving adventures for MONTHS. I'd even go out on a limb and say it's my favorite weekend of the entire year. I start planning for it in the summer, when pumpkins haven't even begun to grow in the patches yet! I think I even made them mark this date on their calendar back in the winter! It's just such a fun and special time for me... a weekend spent with some of my dearest friends who are practically like second parents to me. We always go to the farm, take the cheesy hayride out to the patch, and spend way more time than needed selecting the perfect orange subject for our carving mastery. Then we go back to their house, feast on hearty, comforting fall foods, make delicious apple pies and other delectable desserts for late night snacking, and then we carve into the wee hours of the night. Suzi and I always end up staying up until we can barely see straight we're so tired, and we set up the four pumpkins and take a zillion pictures until we get one that captures the four of them just right. This year was going to be extra special because we were going to carve our pumpkins the night before Halloween, and then have them all aglow for the kids when they came around trick-or-treating on Saturday. But alas, we will not be going down to Belcamp this year.

And I think part of the reason this is making me so upset is because I was looking forward to this last year of our tradition being the way it is. This is our last year for it to be just us, and we will have to learn how to make life work as a family of 3 in a few short months. I am a sucker for tradition as it is; and I have very few that are THAT important to me. Every other year we go up to Albany NY for Thanksgiving with my side of the family, and that is a major one for me. And Christmas morning is always spent at my parents, feasting on a big breakfast my Dad has prepared for us. And of course we always do the Race for the Cure on Mother's Day in honor of my Mom. And then there's Pumpkin Weekend in Maryland.

Next October, we will have an 8 month old baby girl on our hands, and I'm guessing that life as we know it will be non-existent. Doesn't mean we won't be able to still participate in our favorite activities, and of course we will be able to uphold these traditions that are so important to us, but... well, this one was extra special to me. And I feel like maybe it's over now. Like a good friend said to me this morning, "perhaps it's time that Dave and I practice starting new traditions," and while she's absolutely right, I'm not quite sure I was ready for that. I was SO looking forward to this weekend, and spending time with these friends and carving my pumpkin together with them. And although I know Dave and I will still have fun on Friday at Varner's Farm here in Collegeville, and we will certainly make the best of our amended pumpkin activities... I'm still really sad that it's not going to be the way it was.

But I suppose I should get used to life not being the way it was.

My Little Banana...

How far along? 21 weeks today!

Total weight gain/loss: up 6 lbs as of my last doctor's appt. on the 12th of October

Maternity clothes? wearing maternity pants almost every day, haven't made the switch to shirts yet

Sleep: sleeping MUCH better but when I do wake up in the middle of the night, I sometimes have trouble getting back to sleep

Best moment this week: our ultrasound this past Monday, and feeling her kick at night!

Food cravings: nothing specific these days... trying to eat healthier, actually!

Gender: it's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Signs: Haha, not yet, thank goodness...

Belly Button in or out? In, but seemingly more shallow than before

What I miss: wine and sushi

What I am looking forward to: our next ultrasound on Nov. 16th

Weekly Wisdom: I am being told on a daily basis to get the flu shot!

Milestones: hitting the halfway point at 20 weeks :)

Dear Baby...

My darling Tyler or Natalie,
This is the first of many letters I plan to write to you; while you are inside my tummy, and then once you are here with us in the world.
Today is the last day that I will have to refer to you as "it." Tomorrow morning, providing that you cooperate, Daddy and I will know you in a whole new way, and begin bonding with you on a new level. I don't think I've been this excited since the night before I married your Daddy! I am writing to ask you to please be a good little baby tomorrow morning and show us what we want to see! With parents like us, you are bound to be a stubborn little monkey, so I figured, let's nip this in the bud ahead of time. But, I need you to know how much Daddy and I are absolutely in love with you, and no matter what parts you reveal to us tomorrow, we can't wait to find out... even if you decide not to show us! I hope you've been hearing Daddy talk to you every night and every morning - he is SO excited to be your Daddy!!!
We are going to give you the most amazing life that we possibly can... you will be born into a wonderful, supportive family filled with love, and you will have the most incredible Grandparents you could ever ask for. Both your Nanas are going bonkers over you in their own ways... and I can't even imagine what it's going to be like once you are actually here. Granddad Pete and I are going to start teaching you how to play soccer (or football, as your Granddad might teach you to call it) as soon as you can walk, and Daddy can't wait to share all of his knowledge and skills with you too!
Daddy and I have agreed that we won't make it a habit of always calling you by your name, until you're actually here... but it sure will be fun to be able to pick out cute Flyers outfits, or purple dresses for you! (yes, baby, you hear that? If you are a girl, Mommy is joining Team Purple, NOT Team Pink!)
Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that you that we love you, and I can't wait to hold you in my arms and give you kisses and snuggles, and introduce you to your big brother Sammy! He is going to adore you too!
With all my love,
Mommy

Whoaaaaaah, we're half way there...

Man, who'd have ever thought I could actually use a BON JOVI lyric in my blog post title?! SWEET!


And much to my true surprise, I have come to find out that (multiple!) people are actually reading this blog! And requesting that I keep it updated! So to my faithful followers (all 4 of you, haha), let me bring you up to speed:


We are officially (well, OK, on Thursday) HALF WAY to Baby Rolston's arrival!!!!

It's kind of hard to believe we're in our 20th week... time has flown! And I'm sure it'll go even faster after next Monday when we find out just what kind of baby we're gonna have! I am SO excited... at first I really thought I wanted to try to keep it a surprise... but now that I've committed to finding out, I am obsessing! I have polled several friends, and it seems to be pretty evenly split down the middle in terms of people's predictions of boy or girl. I truly have no idea. For the longest time, I was convinced it was a boy... but now for some reason lately I've been leaning towards girl, and for no good reason. I wish the 19th would just hurry up and get here!!!

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday... I'm up about 5 pounds since pre-pregnancy, which the doctor seemed totally fine with. My blood pressure was OK, and the baby's heartbeat was strong... so all good stuff there. After the appointment, Mom and I went shopping and it was killing us not to indulge and buy lots of baby stuff... though it's probably better we didn't know the gender yesterday because we could have done some serious damage!

Dave is down in Florida at WEFTEC until tomorrow night, and I miss him a ton! I know 4 days really isn't all that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but especially now that it's so damn cold at night, I miss having him around to snuggle up to! Though I must say, Sam is doing a great job of filling his Daddy's shoes and cuddling with me on the couch at night!

Well that's about all for now... I'm sure if I don't post before, I will have a lot to say come next Monday! TTFN!

Sunrise

It's been a long time since I've been up early enough to catch a proper sunrise. But today, at around 6:10 am, mother's intuition woke me, and I heard a strange sound coming from downstairs which saved me from my very bizarre dream... and I sat up only to find Sam walking into the room looking for me. I hurried downstairs to find the poor guy had gotten sick on the bottom two steps... he must have been coming up to get us, and couldn't quite make it. Awwww. It wasn't too bad of a mess; I was more worried about him! He kept trying to lick me and be comforted by my, and I felt badly but I wasn't interested in barfy kisses at that moment... In any case, I cleaned up his mess, and then let him go outside in case there was any residual sick that he had to get out. But he seemed OK. When he finally came in and I was ready to lie down on the couch for a few more minutes before rising to officially start my day, I realized I'd left the front storm door open. And this eerie peachy-pink light had begun to filter in the room. So I coaxed Sam to come out with me, and together we sat, on the front porch, watching the sun rise over the distant houses in our neighborhood. It was actually quite peaceful, and not something I've done in a very long time. I'm getting ready to kick off a very long, difficult week at work, and this was a good way to start that, even though I would have appreciated another hour's worth of sleep!

16 weeks

...and everything is going really well! I think I even felt Baby Rolston moving around in there for the first time last night! We had a doctor's appointment on Monday, and turns out, I haven't gained an ounce. In fact, I'm down .5 lbs... so obviously my fears of overeating and packing on the pounds were for naught. I really had these terrible visions of getting on the scale and having my wrists slapped with a ruler. When my doc asked if I was eating OK, not throwing up or anything, I answered, "well I could be eating better, and by better I just mean healthier..." and she responded, well, you haven't gained a ton of weight so I'm not terribly concerned at this point! Yay! Business as usual, then! Bring on the mac and cheese, please! I'm still not showing at all, though a friend did tell me yesterday that she thinks my belly looks pregnant... so that's a great thing. At least my belly doesn't just look FAT to other people. :) Dr. C said that I probably won't really be visibly showing until around 20 weeks... so I still have a few weeks to go!

I started taking a prenatal yoga class with my friend Alison, and I'm beginning to like it. The first week was rough, mostly because I hadn't ever done proper yoga before (okay, maybe once or twice, over the last TEN years) and was struggling to make sure my balance was in check and I had the different postures correct. But this week I fell a little more into a rhythm and I think it will end up being really good for me. Even though I am fairly muscular, I am SO inflexible, and hopefully this will help with that. At the end of the class, we have about 5-10 minutes of what the instructor calls "relaxation time," and I laid down on my side and closed my eyes, and that was when I think I felt the baby flutter around in there. It was weird, felt like bubbles! But it made me happy. I'm sure I will start to feel more movement over the next month or so.

Dave and I had a pretty productive weekend; we managed to start the daunting task of shuffling stuff from room to room (to basement) so we can begin to visualize the nursery. We obviously still have several months until anything major needs to be done, but it's good to start now so we don't have an even bigger project on our hands when the time really comes to get it all together. I also managed to bag up 5 giant trashbags full to take to goodwill, and we put a ton of stuff out in the trash on Monday, so things are moving along. Now if only we could come up with the cash to get this basement finished... we also inherited a pretty sweet surround sound system from my parents and two of Dave's wonderful buddies came over and got it all hooked up for us. They did a great job... it sounds really good, and there is no evidence of any wires anywhere! Yay Ted and Keith! Unfortunately this morning when I turned on the TV, all I got was dead silence, but I'm hopeful that it's an easy fix and we'll be up and running again in no time. Dave and I joked that we are lucky his boys knew what they were doing; had it been left up to us to hook up the system we would we have had ridiculous amounts of cables and cords running all over the place and probably still no sound, but we would have wound speaker wire around one another's necks by the end of the process. I did feel kinda badly because Dave and I sat there watching Monday Night Football while the boys worked... but they seemed to enjoy it... so all it took was a few beers and burgers and they were happy!

By the way, my fantasy football team DOMINATED this week. GO LIMERICK NUKES!

So all in all, life is still pretty damn good. My next Dr's appointment isn't until October 12th, and then the next ultrasound (the "big" one!) is scheduled for the 19th, when Dave gets back from WEFTEC. I can't wait for that. It's just so comforting and reassuring to see the little one in there, kicking away... and it's unbelievable watching them grow and develop!

My favorite time of the year...

September.is.awesome.

I love it. I always have. September to me means so many things. It means the promise of cool, crisp weather. It means the beginning of soccer season (which I sadly will not be able to physically participate in this year). It means the start of the Eagles season, which I know exhilarates Dave, and therefore, I am psyched by default. It means it's almost time to carve pumpkins, and for anyone reading this blog who knows me, you know that Pumpkin Weekend down in Maryland is my absolute favorite weekend of the year!!! I might need a little help lugging my pumpkin through the pumpkin patch this year, however!

It was this month that our four-legged son received his AKC Canine Good Citizen designation; after 6 weeks of training classes, he passed the test with flying colors! What this means is that, not only has Sammy proven to have good manners and behavior, but we can now begin even more rigorous training to eventually test him to be a therapy dog! We are so proud of him and feel so lucky to have such an awesome pet, and family member!

And finally, September this year also means that we've made it into the second trimester with this pregnancy, which is a huge milestone, and an even huger relief. I am feeling exceptionally well... sometimes I forget I am even with child, because I have so few symptoms at this point. I have been sleeping much better, and I attribute it to the cooler, less-humid air. I am not showing at all yet to the public eye, (though Dave and I can definitely tell there is a slight difference in my shape) and I still haven't had to don any maternity clothes, though I can definitely tell that my jeans are starting to get a little tighter around the waist... but all things considered, I feel great. Looking forward to my 16 week appointment next Monday, where I'll hopefully get to hear the baby's heartbeat again. :)

In any case, though I've had quite an enjoyable summer, I am thrilled that fall is just around the corner!!!

Survey time!

How far along? 13 weeks and a few days
Total weight gain/loss: up 3 lbs
Maternity clothes? not yet, but I bought some for when I do need them...
Sleep: still waking up every night around 3 am, but able to get back to sleep with more ease
Best moment this week: getting to see the munchkin squirming around at our NT scan!
Movement: none yet, too early
Food cravings: I HAVE to have orange juice and cinnamon bread every morning... and I've been eating macaroni and cheese like it's going out of style!
Gender: I think it's a boy... no real reasoning behind it, I just do.
Labor Signs: Haha, not yet, thank goodness...
Belly Button in or out? In, but seemingly more shallow than before
What I miss: wine and sushi
What I am looking forward to: actually looking pregnant, and not just bloated and fat. :)
Weekly Wisdom: nothing to speak of...
Milestones: making it to the SECOND TRIMESTER!

NT Scan

Here is the first official photo of Baby Rolston! It's not the best shot... Baby Rolston is proving to be a stubborn little bugger already (clearly takes after both parents in that regard...)! We had our NT scan today, and the little one wouldn't get into the proper position for the ultrasound tech to get the needed measurements! They poked and prodded at my abdomen to get the baby to reposition itself, which resulted in lots of flailing arms and legs (it was pretty damn cute, actually). The baby is measuring at about 3 inches, crown to rump, and we heard the heartbeat again, this time clocking in at 159 bpm, which we were told is still good. We measured ahead of where we thought we were, only by a few days, so I'm still sticking with March 4th as our due date, for now! I should hear in 3-5 days from the genetic counselor with the results of the scan (hopefully the measurements they got will give them an accurate reading!) and blood draw... and I go back again around 16 weeks to have more blood taken. Our next ultrasound should be around 20 weeks, when we will have the option to find out if we're having a boy or a girl!

"Isn't that the thing they use for the weather?"

Today, I am 11 weeks and 4 days pregnant. And I had my second appointment at Valley Forge, OB/GYN. I met with a different doc in the practice, Dr. Cantarella, who consequently I loved and will definitely be seeing for the duration of my pregnancy if I can. After taking my blood pressure and weighing me (I've only gained two pounds in 3 months, woohoo!) they escorted us into the ultrasound room. Then, Dr. C came in and informed us that she would only perform an ultrasound if she was unable to hear the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler. That's right folks, it's "the thing they use for the weather." (Dave, you are so cute... I love you so much!!!) So Dr. C whipped out a small black device, put some warm clear jelly on my belly, and began the hunt for the little one's heartbeat. Immediately, I got falsely excited when I heard a slow and steady heartbeat... only to be told it was mine. She tried a few other places, and still heard nothing. She did inform me that it was still early enough that there was a chance she wouldn't be able to pick it up... and of course with each repositioning of the Doppler, my heart sunk further and further into my stomach. Just when she was about to give up and boot up the ultrasound machine, there it was! Beating away, fast and furious, like a little drum... I could hear my baby's heart. It was one of the most amazing sounds I have ever heard. I immediately started to get teary-eyed... this was the reassurance I had been waiting for! It's so easy to read sad stories about people who went in for their 8 week appointment, and everything was fine... only to go in at 12 and find out that the baby's heart had stopped... and so for the past several weeks I had myself unnecessarily worried. But, now we know, he/she is in there, cooking away! What sweet relief!!!

Our next appointment is next Tuesday, when I will have what's called a sequential scan. It's also known as an NT, or Nuchal Translucency scan. This is when they perform a battery of tests, including a comprehensive ultrasound to determine if the baby has any chromosomal abnormalities, like Down's Syndrome and a number of others. It's an elective but recommended test. Besides, they have pretty high tech equipment and it'll be pretty awesome to get a clear view of our baby at 12.5 weeks, especially since the last time we saw it was 7.5 and it still looked like a little tiny shrimp!

Anyway, keep thinking good thoughts for us, and Baby Rolston! More updates to come!!!

Dream a Little Dream

I don't know if it's the additional progesterone I'm taking, or just the fact that my hormones are all outta whack since I am pregnant, but boy have I been having weird dreams! Sometimes they are very vivid and realistic, sometimes they are just totally ridiculous and obscure. But typically when I first wake up, I remember them clearly. Sometimes, I'm so "into" them, I don't even want to wake up! These dreams range anywhere from being about the baby, to Jon Bon Jovi, to reunions with my estranged college friends, to random escapades in places I would probably never be... but I generally feel entertained by them. They are very seldom "bad" dreams, which is a relief. But often times I find myself recapping the dreams later that day... they will pop back into my head after I'd already forgotten about them. It's just very strange. I never used to be much of a dreamer at night.

But rarely do I have a dreamless night. Also rarely do I have a night of uninterrupted sleep, which at this point is frustrating. I wake up every night, whether it's to toss and turn for a few minutes, go to the bathroom, or just look at the clock and try to fall back into a state of rest. It's very frustrating... but I suppose it's my body prepping me for what's to come when Baby Rolston finally does get here! Everyone tells me to get as much sleep as possible now because it'll be non-existant once the baby gets here... that's what I'm TRYING to do! Grrrr.

9 weeks, 1 day

Hi. Here I am again. I lapsed because I took a break from blogging whilst at the shore with the fam. I got some MUCH needed R & R, got to spend some quality time with the folks, and got a little bit of a suntan, which was nice. I also managed to tear my way through Eclipse (the third installment of the Twilight series) which ended up being a pleasant experience. As I've discussed with a few friends... it's a series that I love to hate to love. It's really not that good... I mean hell... the series was designed for teenage girls... but I'm still enjoying them. I just bought the fourth book, Breaking Dawn, today at Target. So hopefully I can make a dent in that this weekend. And Dave once again gets to take advantage of his built-in DD for wedding #3 of the summer, which is tomorrow evening. Lucky him!

So, as for Baby McRolston (as a few have started calling him/her) is concerned, here is the update:

Baby's now the size of a green olive! Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like...well...a baby!

Last Friday, we had our fourth ultrasound with Dr. Glassner @ Main Line Fertility. Baby was growing right on schedule, and my levels were apparently just where he wanted them to be. So, he gave us his blessing and sent us on our way! HOORAY! This was extremely exciting news. Though, I have to say, I was being pampered... having ultrasounds on a weekly basis and getting that constant reassurance that everything was moving along as it should have been. But alas, I will have to join the ranks of thousands and thousands of other pregnant women worldwide who have to just hurry up and wait several weeks for each appointment. So now, my journey begins with my regular OB/GYN. I actually had an appointment there on Monday the 20th, and I have to say, I did NOT care for the Doc with whom I had the appointment. The person I'd been seeing for the past several years at that practice is actually a Physician's Assistant, and I guess though she's been qualified to treat me before, she can't see me through the pregnancy all the way. Which is a total bummer... seeing as I've developed a relationship with her and like her a lot. And it never occured to me in years past to even ask if she would see me through any future pregnancies... I just assumed yes. But, I'm hoping that, over the next several visits I can see a few different docs and find one I like. It's recommended that you see several in your practice anyway because you never know who is going to be around/on call/available when you actually deliver. My next appointment is on Monday the 17th, and I see yet a different doc then, so hopefully I'll have better luck.

But the good news is, Baby Rolston is still in there cooking away, growing fast, and giving me several bouts of on-again-off-again nausea, but otherwise... all is well!!!

Back to Baby

Soooo... ultrasound #3 was on Friday. Baby Rolston's heart is beating at about 130 BPM (which seemed to be OK by the ultrasound tech's expectations) and is measuring at about 8 mm! It was neat to compare the 3 ultrasound photos we've had taken so far, and see just how much it's growing... makes us really excited to see photos of this kid when I'm 3+ months along! It's so amazing! Additionally, Dr. Glassner told us that he's very pleased with the embryo's growth and that, if things continue to develop at the same rate, then we may not have to keep seeing him anymore! Hooray!!! Though I must say, it's been quite a comfort to know that every Friday we're getting updates on the health and progress of the baby... but my wallet (and my shitty insurance company) will appreciate the less frequent visits to Main Line Fertility! But, the good news is, once he doesn't need to see us anymore, it means we've passed the threshold of major risk for miscarriage, so that means (God willing!) smooth sailing after that.

But I still feel great, with the exception of a few bouts of nausea here and there. I am extraordinarily tired, though... and these late night soccer games are very soon going to be a thing of the past. I will probably play for 2-3 more weeks, which will take me to approximately 10 weeks, give or take a few days. And that will be it for me. Sad, but necessary for Baby Rolston's safety!

Dave's Mom has already shared with me that she's begun buying a multitude of things for her future grandchild. If my Mom has purchased anything, she hasn't shared that info. I personally have only bought two items so far... I won't allow myself to really shop for this kid until we are much further down the line.

I am starting to really itch to tell people. I find myself telling random strangers, in the store, at the bank, etc. I SO BADLY want to share our news with the world, but I'm still apprehensive and want to wait just a few more weeks. We're at approximately 8 now, so we think at about 10, we'll be ready to finally share. It's gonna be a long two weeks!

Both "Nanas" have told me that they are struggling to keep the news in. (yes that could indeed get confusing if they're both gonna be called Nana...) Especially Dave's Mom, who is the last of ALL of her friends to have grandchildren, and though she puts on a front acting as though it's not very important to her, cannot WAIT to brag to everyone that she finally has one on the way. I was shopping with my Mom on Friday night and she admitted that she's having a hard time containing the news too. Soon enough, everyone. Soon enough. I promise.

You think this isn't hard for me?!?!?!?!? I just want to scream it from the rooftops... I'M GONNA BE A MOMMY!

Sambora Harley Rolston

Since this blog is primarily about Baby Rolston, I should write about the original Baby Rolston... my four-legged son Sammy. He is the absolute light of our lives. I've not yet come across one person who has met Sam and not fallen in love. Dave and I cannot believe how lucky we got with Sam's personality - he is so loving, so goofy, and such a good boy in general. Shortly after his litter was first born (on December 16, 2007), we were sent photos of them, two boys, four girls.

This was Sammy at four weeks:

We weren't really sure from looking at the pictures, which one we'd end up wanting.
But we knew we'd have to go down to MD to meet them in person, to make the ultimate decision. And because our dear friends Dave and Suzi only lived about 30 minutes from Mary and Sheilah (the breeders), we figured we could make a weekend trip and kill two birds with one stone.
So, at the end of January, we made the trek to pick out our future child. We were the first to go see the puppies so we were told we could have the pick of the litter. I was pretty dead set on a boy, but I was willing to keep an open mind and just see which of the dogs really stuck out to us.
When we finally got there, we were swarmed by six adorable little Berner pups scrambling around the yard. I remember the sheer excitement as I realized the possibilities! We were
introduced to each of them, but Dave and I immediately fell in love with the same one... the runt of the litter, who was originally named Teddy. He wasn't the most outgoing of the bunch, or the best looking per se, but we both instantly knew this would be our baby.

Leaving Maryland that day was the worst thing EVER. I did not want to leave that little puppy behind! But we knew that he wasn't quite ready to leave his Mama yet, and that we would come back and get him a month later when we got back from our little vacation that we had coming up. The breeders had graciously offered to keep him until our return, so at least we knew he'd be in the best of care until we were able to take him home with us in March.
But two weeks later, we had a free Sunday, and we decided that we wanted to go back down and visit our baby again. He was all we could think about that entire time! So down we drove, back to Maryland... and when we arrived, only Mary was there. And that day, she changed our lives forever. She strongly suggested that we take him home; that even though we had a vacation coming up in two weeks... we would miss so many cute puppy moments if we didn't... and she really wanted us to have that chance! She said that if we brought him back down before we went away, they would still keep him for us while we were on the cruise. All of his brothers and sisters had already gone to their forever homes, and he was ready to come to us. So... against our better judgement, and without any preparations made at home, we went home with our furbaby. He rode in my arms, crying at first and scrambling to get out, and then finally settled in and slept. It was so special. I could not believe we did it! I couldn't wait to watch him grow up into the amazingly wonderful dog he has now become.

Sam and Mommy

Sam's first experience with snow

cute little feet!

Daddy teaching Sam to lie down

Growing so fast!

Sam and his best friend, Kiwi the corgi

Classic!

Sammy Rolston

Discontinued...

I have a really bad habit... of falling in love with products that end up being discontinued. And, it's happened more times than I'd like to count. For example, I had a favorite body wash/lotion scent from Bath and Body Works - Grapefruit Peppermint. Discontinued. I had a favorite soft drink - Schweppes raspberry ginger ale. Discontinued. (and then they did it to me again with the original Cherry 7Up!) . My favorite candle scent at Yankee Candle - discontinued. My favorite deodorant - discontinued. And so on, and so forth. And I could keep going! There are obviously alternative options, but it's never the same. And I want my products! Like take for example, the cranberry ginger ale that is still available. It's good... but, it's not the same. And now my poor dog is experiencing discontinuation of a favorite item... I used to get him these compressed pigshide bones at Giant (because pigshide is easier for them to digest than rawhide) - they are now discontinued. They have ten million other products that made the cut, but not the Piggy Bones. Poor Sam. I know, I know, he's just a dog, and doesn't know the difference, but I'm starting to take all of these cancelled products personally! What gives! Why can't they discontinue something that I DON'T use?! I'm not sure I can take any more!!!

We Have a Heartbeat!!!

I had my second ultrasound on Friday morning... and Dave and I were able to see Baby Rolston's little heart flicker!!! It was the craziest thing; the baby is smaller than a grain of rice at the moment, but we could see the little heart beating away. It was very powerful. My baby has a heartbeat!!!! Just to see that, to know, that he or she is in there growing and thriving... it really made me feel great. And a little more confident about this whole thing. They didn't measure the heartrate yet, but hopefully at the next u/s they will give us some good news about that!
Which is good because I am about to enter what is going to be a hellish few weeks/months at work... and I need something too keep my mind off how bad it's going to be.

Cargo

Hooray! A non-baby related post!

People know I love dogs. More than people, in some cases. And people know that I have been a willing dogsitter in the past. And most of the time, I'm happy to comply, knowing I can bank favors for when we need to leave our furbaby for a night or three. So we've had a bunch of dogs here at 22 Queen Lane. We've had a few hellish houseguests, and a few that caused no problem, but ultimately, Sam definitely likes having buddies around to play with.

This week it's Cargo. Cargo is my friends Jen and Ryan's 6 month old golden retriever puppy. Other than having a ton of energy, he is very sweet. He's been staying with us since Monday afternoon, and everything had been relatively uneventful until last night.

Dave and I decided to take Cargo and Sam to the park because it was so nice out, and we didn't want them cooped up in the house all night. So we load up the pups into the Soob and head down to Oaks. We got ourselves situated, and the let the dogs off leash. I kept a close eye on Cargo, because he is new to the park and still pretty young, but he is a good size and can pretty much hold his own. Well, apparently I was wrong. A large rottweiler started sniffing him profusely, which resulted in Cargo on his back. Then two other dogs came over and started pushing him around, and the next thing I knew, he was on the ground screaming, as a large bulldog had sunk his teeth into poor Cargo's leg. Luckily, the bulldog's owner was responsible and gave us their info once it was decided that Cargo indeed needed to go to the vet to have his wounds checked out.

Two hours, four surgical staples, and an Elizabethan collar later, we brought the shaky little guy home. He is taking Amoxicillian as precautionary measure, and the doctor did warn me it could make his little tummy a little sick...

...fast forward a few hours.

I fell asleep last night on the couch at about 11:00, and finally stumbled upstairs to bed around 1:30. At 5:45 I heard whimpering downstairs, where Cargo was in his crate and Sam was on the couch. I groggily pulled on my clothes, and went downstairs to let the boys out. Yawning profusely, I walked Cargo for a good 5-10 minutes; he did what he seemingly had to do. We came back in as Sam lingered outside. I made a quick pitstop myself... couldn't have been more than 2 minutes... and when I came out, Cargo had left a 3 foot long trail of poop on my family room carpet. And it was NASTY. Now, one of the symptoms you experience when pregnant is a heightened sense of smell. This did NOT benefit me this morning. I wanted to be angry at him... I mean, come on, we HAD just been outside for a nice little walk... but the poor guy just looked up at me from his little cone collar and I couldn't. Luckily, we were well stocked with carpet cleaning products from the last poor-mannered houseguest we had last fall. So, here it is, 6:45 am, an hour after the incident, and I'm awake. There is no hope of going back to sleep at this point, as, though I've sprinkled several products on the affected area, the smell is definitely still pungent and probably will be for awhile.

I do know that, though I thought I learned my lesson before, it has definitely sunk in now. I'm pretty sure Lindy and Dave's days of dogsitting are over. And I thank God every day that we haven't replaced our carpets yet. Each doggie accident that occurs on here makes me realize that is just about time to really make that happen, especially now that we have a kid on the way!

I know most people say no way, don't get new carpets with a baby in your future, but I don't want my kid crawling around in other dogs' shit. No thank you!

Will I?

So, clearly, I am completely consumed with thinking about this child I am in the process of manifesting. And because I don't have a ton of people with whom I can talk about it (nor do I think people wish to talk about my forthcoming child 24/7 like I do), I am blogging about it. A lot. So skip this entry if you're already sick of hearing about baby stuff.

Last night I was lying on the couch watching 18 Kids and Counting, the show about the Duggar family, on TLC. 18 flippin kids. I can hardly imagine having one, and these people have EIGHTEEN. Unreal. And then I started thinking about Michelle Duggar. She must be the freaking mother of the millenium... to feel confident that she should be able to bring 18 children into this world, nuture them, love them, care for them, etc.
And then I got to thinking about myself. What about me? Will I be a good Mom? Will I be able to take care of this kid properly? Will I know what to do and when to do it? I am terrified at the thought of this... and I'm only having ONE, not eighteen. I'm told by a lot of people that a lot of motherhood is instinctual, and a lot of it just comes naturally, but I'm still pretty nervous about my abilities. I mean, let's face it people, I am a huge slob. I leave dishes in the sink. I leave clothes on the floor. I'm trying REALLY hard to change these things about myself, especially now that I will have another person for whom I must be responsible, but... old habits die hard.
But then again, I am really good at many of the things I do. I keep our family's finances in order. I pay our bills on time, every month. I keep food in the fridge. I schedule appointments for all necessary maintenance, be it household, health, or the like. I am very quickly getting us out of most of the debt we've accrued. So... I guess being a lazy slob doesn't look so bad when you look at everything else I do. It's not as if
But, back to being a Mom... I have always been good with kids. From babysitting from a very young age, to being a camp counselor at different places for summers on end, to watching five little cousins grow up, I enjoy working with them and tend to bond with them pretty solidly. But at the end of the day, I've always given them back. I've never had one to call my own before, to have to make decisions for, to have to raise. And it scares the living shit out of me. And, though it's not quite the same, I have had some experience being a Mommy to my four-legged baby. He still requires attention and time and needs to be considered in most situations, and we have raised him from a puppy, so that has given us some initial practice, but I realize having a human child is going to be so much different. And Dave is great with kids. Whenever we go somewhere where there are children, whether they're cousins or our friend's kids, Dave is always right down on the floor playing with them, romping around with them, and they just adore him. So I know Baby Rolston will just love his/her Daddy to pieces. But that's all well and good for playtime... what about when the serious stuff rolls around? How do you prepare yourself for all of that?!
Though last summer, when we were introduced to our friend's baby for the first time, Dave didn't even want to hold him, in fear that he might drop him or hurt him. Even though the baby's father scooped him up into his arm as if he were holding a football. I think maybe that was a little reassuring to Dave. I suppose that is a fear we're both going to have to get over as soon as our little one arrives. But I guess we still have a good 7+ months to work that fear out.
We are so blessed that we have two sets of really amazingly supportive parents who undoubtedly will be there to help us along the journey... and we have lots of friends who are awesome parents and I know they'll provide helpful information when asked, but still... I know we're gonna have our hands fuller than we can possibly imagine and I really hope we are both up to the task!

The internet is for porn!

...okay, maybe not exclusively. That's actually the title of a song from the broadway musical, "Avenue Q." However, at the moment, I am thoroughly disgusted with the internet and its infinite wealth of information... both good and bad. I am disgusted because, as a 30 year old woman in the very early stages of pregnancy, I am cautiously optimistic about embracing this thing I have growing inside me, because of everything I've read on the goddamned internet.


I mentioned this before, but really... I have to keep remembering the many years (ok, the many THOUSANDS of years) that women have been having babies, when there was no internet, and there was no google to look up your symptoms when you convince yourself that something is wrong. You have a slight twinge of pain in your lower back and suddenly you are ready to check yourself into the hospital and are expecting the worst.

It doesn't help that, since I am so early in the pregnancy, so far my symptoms are practically non-existant. NOT that I am wishing for morning sickness... not one iota. However, it might make it all feel more REAL if I did actually feel like I was pregnant. Though the sore boobs are definitely an indication of something going on... but, since I am not feeling any sort of way, of course I start googling everything just to get some more feedback.

One website will tell you one percentage, another gives you an entirely different number, and you have to wonder where people are getting their information. Don't they say that approximately 40% of all statistics are made up anyway?

Regardless, it's disconcerting to read about all of the what-ifs, that you might not have thought about before. And everyone is suddenly a subject-matter expert. I'm operating under the pretense that my Doctor gets paid the big bucks because he knows what he's doing and what he says will ultimately be what I go by, but I can't help but wonder if all of these other people might have some validity behind what they are saying.

The list keeps expanding of the do's and don'ts... from alcohol to hair dye to caffeine to fish (mercury) to lunch meat... and so on and so forth. I'm still a firm believer in "everything in moderation,"and while I don't intend to do anything harmful to this baby while it's depending on me as its lifeline... a little cup of coffee now and again will be ok.

So in conclusion, I believe the internet should be designated for porn. And blogging. And Facebook. And Gchat. And Amazon. And... ok, so maybe I want to keep it around awhile longer but I have to make a concerted effort NOT to read baby websites on a daily basis and drive myself crazy wondering, "what if?"

Levels are good

Well, I had my first ultrasound today. Because of having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, I have to see a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) throughout the first trimester, on a weekly basis. They just want to monitor me closely and make sure everything is ok. They took a blood sample (I swear I won't have any left by the time they're done with me!) and showed me a picture of the little bugger... you really couldn't see much of anything other than the yolk sac; they said that at 7 or 8 weeks there will be a much clearer image. It's amazing how fast the baby really does develop.

My hCG (which, for those who are not pregnancy-savvy yet, is human chorionic gonadatrophin) levels were apparently really good, at approximately 1600... which, given that they were at 190 when I first tested positive (God that makes me sound like Manny Ramirez!), I'd say things are coming along nicely. Apparently, the levels double every 48 hours, so I'm doing just fine. However, they do want me taking an extra progesterone supplement; my my levels are OK, but could be better, so I'm just getting a little synthetic assistance.

My next appointment is Friday the 10th, when I will be at approximately 6 weeks. My due date is now estimated at March 5th, 2010.

So, let's cross our fingers and hope for things to keep improving! Hang in there, Baby Rolston! We know you can do it!!!

BFP!!!!

Holy freaking moly.


I am going to be a Mom.


It all happened on Wednesday, June 24th, 2009, when, having felt guilty for having a 2 (DELICIOUS) glasses of wine with dinner, I decided to take a pregnancy test, just for peace of mind. Instead, I got this:
















Now, don't get me wrong, I was THRILLED. Stunned. Over the moon. A hundred billion thoughts started racing through my head. Could this really be? I ran downstairs and asked Dave if he could identify what it was that I was holding in my trembling hand. After that, we spent a good 30 minutes decided if it really was what we thought it was... and deciding if the faint second line was just our brains playing tricks on us. (That's two tricky brains if so!) We both agreed that a confirmatory blood test was essential, until we told anyone at all. Talk about a sleepless night!!! I couldn't turn my mind off to get more than an hour's worth of consistent sleep all night, I was just too excited. The first thing I did when I woke up on Thursday was call the doc. They told me the soonest they could get me in was Friday morning.

Friday morning rolls around, blood is drawn, and I'm told that they will call me "this afternoon" with the results.

LONGEST.AFTERNOON.EVER.


Finally, around 3:45 pm, the call comes in. My heart was pounding. The nurse congratulates me, and says, "Your levels look really good!" (whatever that means...) So I placed the call to the Daddy-to-be to let him know the good news. It was really important to me to wait until I could tell Mom and Dad in person, and they'd just left for a weekend in Albany, so we had to keep the good news to ourself for just a few more days.


So here I am. Blogging about it all. Mostly because we've made a decision only to tell a VERY select few people, until we are further along. At this point, today, I am only about 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, which is so early... and we'd like to wait until things are a little more substantial. And it royally sucks because, by the time I make this blog public to those who might be interested, I'll have already known for several weeks/months, and will have kept this unbelievably exciting news from some of my most nearest and dearest friends and family. And it's killing me not to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone I come in contact with. However, this is how it has to be, and so in order to get it all off my chest, I will blog. So for those of you who may read this later and be upset or hurt that you didn't know sooner, please understand, it's just how we wanted it to be.

So... since first taking the positive last Wednesday, I have visited a plethora of baby-related websites. And let me tell ya - there is some really good info out there! But there is also a lot of scary information. Stuff that you would never have thought of until you read it, and then you worry yourself sick thinking, "OMG what if that is me?" I am learning the pregnancy lingo (i.e. BFP = Big Fat Positive!), and getting a lot of good feedback from other moms-to-be online. And whenever I read something that puts my mind into a tailspin again, I have to keep reminding myself that, 30 years ago when our parents all went through this with us, they didn't have the internet to scare them into oblivion about the "what ifs." They were just pregnant. And hoped for the best. And that's exactly what we're gonna do with our little one! So, think good thoughts for Baby Rolston #1!


Congratulations to us! HOORAY! We're gonna be parents!!!!!!!