Will I?

So, clearly, I am completely consumed with thinking about this child I am in the process of manifesting. And because I don't have a ton of people with whom I can talk about it (nor do I think people wish to talk about my forthcoming child 24/7 like I do), I am blogging about it. A lot. So skip this entry if you're already sick of hearing about baby stuff.

Last night I was lying on the couch watching 18 Kids and Counting, the show about the Duggar family, on TLC. 18 flippin kids. I can hardly imagine having one, and these people have EIGHTEEN. Unreal. And then I started thinking about Michelle Duggar. She must be the freaking mother of the millenium... to feel confident that she should be able to bring 18 children into this world, nuture them, love them, care for them, etc.
And then I got to thinking about myself. What about me? Will I be a good Mom? Will I be able to take care of this kid properly? Will I know what to do and when to do it? I am terrified at the thought of this... and I'm only having ONE, not eighteen. I'm told by a lot of people that a lot of motherhood is instinctual, and a lot of it just comes naturally, but I'm still pretty nervous about my abilities. I mean, let's face it people, I am a huge slob. I leave dishes in the sink. I leave clothes on the floor. I'm trying REALLY hard to change these things about myself, especially now that I will have another person for whom I must be responsible, but... old habits die hard.
But then again, I am really good at many of the things I do. I keep our family's finances in order. I pay our bills on time, every month. I keep food in the fridge. I schedule appointments for all necessary maintenance, be it household, health, or the like. I am very quickly getting us out of most of the debt we've accrued. So... I guess being a lazy slob doesn't look so bad when you look at everything else I do. It's not as if
But, back to being a Mom... I have always been good with kids. From babysitting from a very young age, to being a camp counselor at different places for summers on end, to watching five little cousins grow up, I enjoy working with them and tend to bond with them pretty solidly. But at the end of the day, I've always given them back. I've never had one to call my own before, to have to make decisions for, to have to raise. And it scares the living shit out of me. And, though it's not quite the same, I have had some experience being a Mommy to my four-legged baby. He still requires attention and time and needs to be considered in most situations, and we have raised him from a puppy, so that has given us some initial practice, but I realize having a human child is going to be so much different. And Dave is great with kids. Whenever we go somewhere where there are children, whether they're cousins or our friend's kids, Dave is always right down on the floor playing with them, romping around with them, and they just adore him. So I know Baby Rolston will just love his/her Daddy to pieces. But that's all well and good for playtime... what about when the serious stuff rolls around? How do you prepare yourself for all of that?!
Though last summer, when we were introduced to our friend's baby for the first time, Dave didn't even want to hold him, in fear that he might drop him or hurt him. Even though the baby's father scooped him up into his arm as if he were holding a football. I think maybe that was a little reassuring to Dave. I suppose that is a fear we're both going to have to get over as soon as our little one arrives. But I guess we still have a good 7+ months to work that fear out.
We are so blessed that we have two sets of really amazingly supportive parents who undoubtedly will be there to help us along the journey... and we have lots of friends who are awesome parents and I know they'll provide helpful information when asked, but still... I know we're gonna have our hands fuller than we can possibly imagine and I really hope we are both up to the task!